LEVANTeast at THOR: Disaster in ‘The City’
I made the mistake of stumbling into the new Matt Levine restaurant at the Hotel on Rivington. It is my worst nightmare in a single restaurant, hands-down.
I was first ‘impressed’ by the sleek decor. It was mildly intimidating: high ceilings, gigantic black lacquer chandeliers, low and long suede boothes, dim lighting, and a disorienting cave theme. The tables were so wide, my party of 4 had a hard time carrying on a conversation over the thumping DJ beat in the background.
Beyond the decor, which isn’t my personal taste yet could be nice for others (…), the restaurant is an utter disaster.
Let’s start from the top:
1. The Hostess: a decidedly unattractive yet towering bimbo with zero personality who couldn’t even answer my basic question ‘How long have you guys been here?’ – she was so unbelievably rude and vacant, I can only believe she got the job through some twisted act of nepotism.
2. The Food: I’m pretty confident I got a mild case of food poisioning from my risotto. While it was creamy and cheesy (and that is usually enough for me to declare Delicious!), it was cooked improperly, being far too al dente. My boyfriend’s lobster tasted like it came out of a Campbell’s soup can, surprisingly enough. The only success of the night seemed to be my friend’s roast chicken, which was juicy and succulent. We passed on dessert in an effort to vacate as quickly as possible.
3. The Alcohol: disappointing wine list and $22 cocktails. Macao Trading Company and Pravda, 2 spots to get the most delectable cocktails in NY, don’t even charge $22 for their drinks. I was too consumed by sticker shock to even order one. We chose wine: a malbec.
We quickly consumed the bottle, as one of our multiple servers (couldn’t keep track) was filling our glasses every time we took a sip – irritating to say the least. As soon as the bottle was finished, every 5 minutes, with astonishing regularity, they asked if we wanted another bottle. Such a turn-off, my entire party agreed to not order one out of principle.
4. The Service: the only saving grace of the evening was our flamingly homosexual and extremely charming head waiter. He seemed embarassed by his colleagues and did what he could to salvage the experience. Every one around him looked like Stepford wife-types LES style.
5. The Scene: If you aspire to be on The Hills or The City, this is your place. No personality, no class, and absolutely no charm. Apparently, Whitney Port’s boyfriend was in the building. Who knew – everyone guy had a ski cap on and sunglasses.